Of course life wouldn't be grand without baby's daddy drama. Dipshit (my name for my kids' father) has decided that he's mad at me so he's going to go to Chicago for a break. Fuck our arrangement for him to watch OUR kids while I WORK 2 JOBS!!! He doesn't work, gets free money and just can't handle being a babysitter for his own kids. Ok, so I understand the whole I need a break thing. Can't that be planned? I don't even care about what he does as long as it doesn't affect my work performance. We don't live together, have never been married and I'm supposed to stick around and just be happy with that? I don't think so. Sure, our dysfunctional relationship or lack there of is a sweet deal sometimes. He cleans my house, does my laundry, watches the kids etc... Meanwhile I work my you know what off. From the outside looking in it sounds great. I'm not that type of person. I want a partner. I want someone to back me up during the rough times, ya know? I don't want to struggle with money like I do because we can't live together, share the bills and the responsibilities. He says its because I smoke cigarettes. I don't necessarily want to live with him either cause he smokes his crack, yet somehow in his twisted, drug damaged mind, what he does isn't as bad. Ugh! I just want to scream. I know I can't just run away but I will sure be dreaming about it tonight.