I couldn't help it

So I couldn't help not having the last word. I emailed him (hanger upper). It was a matter of fact email with the preface of defending myself. Of course, I was right, he emailed me back. Damn it - this could go on and on. I'm not going to contact him any more though. I've had enough. I feel better now that I've defended myself a little and his email back to me wasn't so harsh. At least things can be left somewhat civil. I hate bad endings - that feeling of hatred or dislike that just lingers. It's not good for the soul - like chicken soup, ya know.

My kids had sleepovers again last night. My house of course is a disaster area. My living room is calling my name, begging for help.

If I had one superpower, it would be like Samantha on Bewitched - you know - the nose twitch thing. I could clean this house up like crazy. Anyway, I'm not her so gotta go clean. Peace out.

Run no more

Or get in better shape. Those are my choices.

This weekend I went down to Owatonna to visit my Mom and to take the kids to the County fair. My sister and her kids, Tyler and Erika, and Tyler's Friend (Jeremy) also went. I love hanging out with them. Now that they're older we can talk about anything - even adult stuff - it's actually hilarious. Anyway, my nephew drove down with me and we were talking about Football practice and his conditioning week, etc.... That conversation turns into an idea. 'Hey, I should try to run the 40 (yard dash) and see what my time is.' Of course I think I'm as fast as I was in High School. Well, I'm not. Yikes. We get to my Mom's house and mark 40 yards and start running. OMG! It was acually dangerous for me as my balance was horrible, I almost fell to the ground every single time. I did it about 3 times and I made it in 7.7 (seconds). My son can run it in 7.2 - he's nine.
And because that went so well (lol) I decide to play some 2 on 2 football. wtf was I thinking? My arms and legs feel like they are going to fall off.

Lesson learned: I need to get in shape. That is my goal the rest of the year. Once September rolls around, and finances start to get a little better, I'm going to join a gym and make myself go. I know it's going to be hard to do. It's something I've wanted for a long time though. I want to be in shape. No more jiggly stuff - I want to be a little more solid. Solid but soft is my goal. Wish me luck. I'm gonna need it.

ps. Still no word from hanger upper. I'm having a hard time not having the last word. I feel like emailing him again just to get the last word, but I'm sure he'll respond and it will end up in the same place. I need to let it be.

Neighborhood Drama

I miss the good old days in my apartment, no neighbors, no drama. One of my neighbors is a crazy lady and her daughter is even crazier. Both are extremely nosy and backstabbing. They say one thing to your face and a completely different thing to the other neighbor, or my kids and it gets back to me. I just wanna punch someone. One of the other neighbors is too good for anyone. Because she doesn't want her little boy playing with guns she wants the whole neighborhood to embrace that idea. My son is 9 and he loves to play cops and robbers, army games, and hunting games. I won't do that. So my son isn't supposed to play with guns around that child. It seems to work okay but her son will just come over whenever. I don't think Jarod should have to stop what he's doing to follow that rule. So I just stopped enforcing it. If she wants her child to run lose around the neighborhood that's for her to deal with, not me.

The other neighbors seem to be okay. My son's best friend that lives across the street is allowed to play with the guns but he can't watch Football because it's too violent. Yeah, you heard me. I haven't figured out the reasoning behind that one yet. Not sure that I will. I love Football too much to ever agree to that point of view.

I'm just fed up with the bullshit. This one can't play with that one and if my kids play with the one that one can't play with then they can't play with the other one. It really is as stupid as it sounds. It makes no sense.

On the brighter side of the issue, my kids are learning a lot from this experience. They are learning how to negotiate and the importance of being responsible for your actions. They know that their actions can and probably will bring some form of drama from the neighbors. They have been behaving a little better since all this has started. Also it gives me a chance to talk to the kids about what's going on and get their opinion. My daughter surprised me with her adult-like attitude when she said, "We should all sign a contract." It blew me away. She didn't know what the punishments would be for breaking the contract but she was sure it was a good idea. I am considering it. I would like to set up a meeting between all of the parents in our area and come to an agreement of some sort as far as time and behaviors go. The only problem I have is that I don't trust the other parents at all - I can see them blaming everything on my children and because I know my children don't always do the right things, I would have a hard time discerning who's telling the truth in any given situation. Once I figure that part out I'll probably go forward with the meeting idea.

Beside the neighborhood crap, work has been crap too. It seems as if all of my mistakes come back to bite me in the ass within the same few days. On top of that because I'm a nice person at work, well, the newer person, and one of two out of the whole group who do anything for our safety committee, I get stuck with being co-chair. Okay so I'm thinking it shouldn't be so bad. Then I find out that the co-chair is automatically the chairperson when the prior chair steps down. I don't have time for that crap!!!! I know it's a good experience, something to put on the resume. That's the only reason I agreed.

I'm wondering if the craziness of late is the lovely thing we call karma - what did I do or not do to bring on the chaos within the past week or so? I'm just not able to focus lately. My mind is wandering on my money issues, neighborhood issues, hanger upper/men issues. I need a vacation.

I'm hoping things will settle down after school starts. I may be hoping for too much. Only time can tell.

Enough bitching. Thanks for reading.

Hasta la vista

MORE FOOTBALL

I signed up for Fantasy Football tonight. I haven't picked all of my players yet. Of course I need to take a crashcourse this weekend - do my reasearch. I am psyched though. Those boys think they can beat me. Ha - we'll see who has the last laugh. (Of course I don't expect to win this thing but I'm sure gonna try.) Does beginner's luck apply here? I hope so.

If you have any tips, advice, etc... Please comment.

nighty-night ch'yall.

Hanger upper emailed me today. It was a very shitty email. Something to the effect of 'we'll never be more than friends cause I ask if he's mad.' Okay. Here's my problem with that. IF YOU ALWAYS ACT MAD - DON'T EXPECT PEOPLE TO THINK YOUR NOT (EVEN IF YOU TOLD THEM 3 MONTHS AGO THEIR NOT MAD MUCH - IT DOESN'T MAKE A DIFFERENCE IF THAT'S HOW YOUR ACTING!!!!!!!!!!!!)

I was a little upset at first, I cried a little. I was on the verge of tears anyway - that just put me over. Now I'm better - great actually. Good fuckin riddins (? spelling -don't give a shit). You can only run into a fuckin brick wall so many times before you wanna fuckin give up, ya know. I don't need that shit. He's fucking paranoid. Oh and he had the nerve to say that I expected him to act a certain way, say a certain thing etc..... What the fuck? And he doesn't?? I mean really, get off it - stop being so damn paranoid and just fucking live. JEEZ!!! Be a fuckin man, understand women are different than you are. We are feeling beings. If you don't want a feeling woman - swing the other fuckin way. Aaaarrrrgggghhhhh. Sorry about the F bombs y'all - I'm just angry - can you tell?

On the other hand. I still FEEL a little of that, 'What the Fuck is wrong with me.' feeling. It might hurt; sometimes the truth does. But if people don't know, they stay the same way and wonder 'what the fuck is wrong with me?'

Okay I'm gonna stop feeling and become a heartless bitch with no emotion. Is that better? Jes** mother fu**** Ch****!!!!!!

And you men think women are irrational. Holy shit.

Sorry y'all, just venting.

Later - hopefully in a better mood.

Football

Tonight was the 'superbowl' for my son's 3-4th grade flag football summer league. This is almost the best part of my summer, for a few different reasons. I love being the Mom that shows up. I do when I can, which is most of the time. I think it's so important for kids to know that Mom and Dad are there for them in their shining hour. I'm always saddened when I see Parents dropping the kids off, literally, while barely slowing down to let the little munchkins get out.

Observing your children in a team atmosphere is important. Now, my son may act differently if he knows I'm not there, I can't be certain. What I have seen is encouraging. Now this may seem like a small insignificant observation to you, but for me it spoke volumes of my son's character. I noticed when one of the children's flags were pulled and lying on the ground, he would pick it up and hand it to the person it belonged to. So many times I see boys walk around it, careful not to step on it, waiting for it's rightful owner to pick it up. Other times I see boys pick it up and 'throw' it at/to the person it belongs to. Throw it...hmm...flags don't fly well and usually end up back on the ground again where the rightful owner has to pick it up. These types of actions, for me, represent respect or lack there of.

Another thing I noticed is my son's tendency to share. He shares the ball, cause that's what you do in football. At least in this flag football league, everyone should get a turn. Coach makes sure of that when he's observing, as does the referee, though not as well (it's an age thing). It infuriates me when there are 2-3 players on the team that have to do everything. When they're quarterback, they have to run it; let someone else touch the ball? no way Jose. If they're not, well they ususally end up with the ball - hogging. Someone needs to teach these children to take turns. Mommy and Daddy should have taught little Billy that being a ball hog is bad - not good.

Now, I don't say anything. I do talk with my son about actions and consequences. I do tell him to speak his mind, but to do it carefully, without disrespecting others. At least I try, anyway. That's my intention. I tell him to speak up when he hasn't had a turn at a specific position, but don't push, physically or with a crappy tone. I'm proud of him. He has a heart of gold and a laugh that's contagious. He's common sense smart, unlike myself at that age. Oh, the joys of motherhood. I talk a lotta shit about how horrible it is to be a Mom, but deep down, I love every minute of it, especially after days like today.

Oh another reason I love summer flag football...I forgot to mention. Ooh la la, good looking men who love football. (Yes, I'm talking about the fathers, coaches, referees). Jeez.

Until next time bloggers and bloggettes.
peace