Why 'On The Edge'?

Cause I am. Seriously. Financially, emotionally, mentally, you name it. I, like many Americans these days, am 1 paycheck away from despair. 1 paycheck away from homelessness, struggling to feed my children and teach them something I know nothing about: saving. Of course, I know what saving is. I know why we need to do it. They say to have at least 6 months of your house payment in savings. Did my parents teach me how? Hell no! My parents were so bad with money, I'm surprised I even have what I have. I can honestly say there are 2 things my parents gave me that keep me treading water: a strong work ethic and the importance of treating people kindly, with respect (I'd like to think I do this anyway). Oh yeah, I got me butt from my Mom, but that's not relevant to money. Well, yes, it could be... That's definitely another blog.

So I consistently owe more than I take in. I'm in the (red), big time. Larry is taking his sweet old time checking on insurance for the kids, meanwhile I'm paying $300 per month now on significantly less pay than at Astound. He barely pays me $300 for "child support" - what about all the other expenses? They didn't go away!!!! Shit, If I was still drinking, I would be homeless. Thank God for that at least!

I have some ideas. Some are just ideas, others can and probably will at some point be put into play.

Where can I get some easy money? My first thought, and most crazy, thus on the edge: prostitution. If I knew how (yes you have to know the right people) and felt good enough about my physical self, I probably would. Fuck the morals, no pun intended. I need money. Of course this option is just an idea, because I actually have morals, not enough confidence, and just don't think I could pull it off, literally. I really wouldn't want to anyway. Just a fleeting thought, 'damn it, that sounds so easy, I'm jealous of those that can do this'.

Next option: try to get a loan/refinance the house. Sell my soul to the devil, that is the bank, pay outrageous interest, and just get further into debt. Ok, as a last resort, maybe. I'll do anything, except the option above, to not do this.

Third and probably best option: Put an add in the paper offering babysitting/daycare services from 6pm-6am. It would technically be my 3rd job, at least it's at home. This I'm seriously considering.

Finally, I've thought about getting a roommate; of course someone single who scares children, so my kids will tone it down a little for fear of what could happen to them. Problems: home just wouldn't be home anymore; my daughter would be moving into my room with me, toys and all; finding someone we can trust to that extent-almost impossible.

All options, possible-not all so smart. Winning the lottery is definitely the best option.

What's a girl to do? So goes life. Nothing to do but keep plugging away. When I make the mistake of spending too much or not saving enough, there's always tomorrow. If there isn't a tomorrow, well, I'm dead and it just doesn't matter any more.