some days

Some days are just worse than others.
We all go through it, those days that seem as if everything is falling apart even though nothing specific is ailing us. Yesterday was one of those days.

I woke up OK, but while driving to work, it hit me. That gut wrenching, depressed feeling; enough to overwhelm anyone. That feeling that there is absolutely nothing to look forward to, what the hell am I here for anyway feeling. Now, don't get me wrong, I wasn't contemplating suicide or anything. I did feel like crying for no damn reason. Usually I get that way after I stop taking my antidepressant for a day or two. I get to the point where anything minor will make me cry and then a day after that I start getting dizzy, really dizzy - similar to vertigo. However, I took my medication, hadn't missed a day in weeks.

I thought about what it was and came up with a few things. First, I think the stress with Larry is getting to me. I'm just tired. Tired of dealing.
The second thing, is my sister and her husband are having problems. My sister is my rock. Her happiness affects me in ways I can't even explain. When she isn't happy it seems my whole world is tilting in the wrong direction. I know it's weird but we are that close. I grew up with a mother, father, brother and sister. That's it. I had one grandma that lived in Kansas so we only got to see her once in a great while. I didn't have cousins, aunts, uncles - anything like that. The family that I do have left include my sister and my mom. My mom is 2 hours away. That leaves my sister. She has done so much for me in my life especially when it comes to my kids.
Lastly, that murder in Sauk Rapids had me bugging yesterday. I just had this eerie feeling and couldn't shake it. The lady that was killed may have been one of my customers at the store, I know her family anyway, and that just is a little to close to home. They said in the paper that the guy who killed her, her boyfriend or husband I'm assuming, had drug issues and mental illness. I kept thinking all day that, although I don't think he would cause he's not violent, Larry dabbles in the drugs and obviously is mentally ill. I kept thinking, 'What if Larry were to snap like that?' I just couldn't shake that fact that it isn't impossible. Kind of scary.

Finally, unrelated, maybe not....
I've had a couple of dreams now about the world coming to an end. Mostly it's just my kids and I trying to survive, fighting the chaos - the chaos being a little sketchy in the dreams.
I feel sensitive to the world around me, maybe it was the weather, looming storms around us.
Now I've just lost my damn mind. LOL

Today was better. Thankfully a lot better. I got a lot done at work, but I remained pretty quiet. So tomorrow, I'm hoping will be even better yet.

Well, I do feel better putting it in writing. Hopefully you had a good day too.
TA TA.