Size does matter

Really, it does.

First, to clarify, I don't sleep around. A specific incident happened that completely made me come (no pun intended) to the realization that Size really does matter.

An ex-boyfriend, now friend for approximately 12 years, and I were hanging out. Because I've known him for so long and because I truly do care for him we feel comfortable with each other. Well, hm hm....stuff happened (not a lot-I'll explain that later) enough for me to be like "Damn! I don't remember it being that small!!!!" Of course I didn't say that out loud, I was thinking it though. From that moment on, L and I have been more intimate and I've actually appreciated it more. Maybe it's a little too much info, but hey I'm blogging, he's actually a very good lover.

Now, I didn't sleep with this friend of mine cause well, shall I say, I was a little turned off, a little shocked if you will. So, maybe size doesn't matter in the red zone, but hey in order to get there you gotta have the ball, right?

I guess I'm not completely attracted to the friend in the first place so that may have played a bigger role in the whole thing. Who knows. Am I wrong? Any thoughts? Besides my sins (don't hate), any thoughts?

The light at the end of the tunnel

I hope.

I went to county today to get help with rent/mortgage. I hope they help me. Not sure though. It's not like I live off of the government or anything. I ask for help once in a great while when I really need it. I have to have at least 50% of my disposable income going toward necessitites (house, elec, heat, food, gas to get to work-that's about it) Here's the kicker, I have to have SPENT over half my income on these things in order to get help. Okay, if I was spending over half my income on rent, I wouldn't be behind now would I? It's the other dump shit I got myself into. Yes, I got myself into it so I should get myself out. I hear you loud and clear. It's just not that easy. No detail on this I'm just too tired and need to go to sleep.

On a brighter, not so brighter note - Yah!!!! Saddam is going down, finally! Also, John Edwards running for Dem Nomination in 2008 - I'm happy for that. I like that guy. He reminds me a lot of Clinton. I still hope Hilary makes a run for it, but if not at least I've got John.

Giving

Well since it's that time of year, I'm in a very giving mood. I wish I had the means to ease someone else's financial burden. It's strange how that works. I barely have a pot to piss in and I have this tremendous urge to give. I know it's a result of empathy, actually puting yourself in someone else's shoes. Shit we share those shoes.

I guess I've never been ultra greedy. I've had moments but in the end I really don't want handouts. I usually try to give something in return for good deeds done in my interest. I don't know how to explain it. It's not just in relation to money either. Sometimes I hear stories about children being hurt, abused, abandoned and I just get that motherly urge to go kick that sunnabitches ass-or to give the kid (s) a hug and tell them they don't deserve that.
Then I get all teary eyed and start thinking about my own kids. Do they know, do they feel, that I love them? Do they really know how much I do? If that were my child.... God, how can people do some of the stuff they do to other people? I'm so sick of hearing about the fricken creeps in the world. Seriously, all child molesters and murderers should be fucking shot, after being castrated with no fucking pain medication. Fuck this lethal injection shit. I say torture those bastards.

Anyway enough ranting, I just get so angry when I think about all the kids out there right now that are suffering. I know I don't have a lot, but damn, I got love in my heart for my family and friends. If I were to die right now, I would be at peace with my life and how it played out. No regrets. Yes, corny, I know.

Hope everyone has a nice Christmas and New Year. And if you don't celebrate these holidays, well, too damn bad, Merry Christmas!!!!!!!!!!! anyway. There take that.

quotes

Take our politicians: they're a bunch of yo-yos. The presidency is now a cross between a popularity contest and a high school debate, with an encyclopedia of cliches the first prize.
Saul Bellow

Politics: A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.
Ambrose Bierce

Democracy is being allowed to vote for the candidate you dislike least.
Robert Byrne

If voting changed anything, they'd make it illegal.
Emma Goldman

It is not in the nature of politics that the best men should be elected. The best men do not want to govern their fellowmen.
George MacDonald

In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman.
Margaret Thatcher

The United States brags about its political system, but the President says one thing during the election, something else when he takes office, something else at midterm and something else when he leaves.
Deng Xiaoping

football

FINALLY! I won the football pool at work last week and the week prior. At least I got my money back plus an extra $5. What a relief.

Ah

I just made and ate the best spaghetti ever. Made some garlic cheese bread - nummy. Now I'm full.

I have to work tomorrow which is great. I love working, I can't help it. I realized that fact today at none other than work. I love getting up at 4:30 in the morning. I love feeling like I accomplished a lot by 9am. I'm an addict by nature. I'm addicted to lots of stuff, some harmless and of course others not so great. I'm thankful I knew better when I was younger not to try the hard drugs. Life could have been so much worse for me. If I had a choice, I wouldn't be an addict. I would be a social drinker, capable of having a few and walking away. Oh to dream. I don't want to drink for the drink. I want to drink for mind altering purposes. I'm happy, just bored. Mind alteration can do wonders for the psyche. I think differently when I'm drinking. It's fun to think differently. It's fun to feel confident even though I'm at my worst. I've been thinking about getting high lately too. Damn it if I can't drink, I should get high. Of course the angel on my right shoulder tells me (not literally) to "Stop thinking that way you dumbass, of course you can't do that." Then the devil (again, not literally) tells me "just once - that's not your problem, never was, never will be." Of course I like what the devil tells me in this one instance. So I'm at a crossroad. Again, same thing as alcohol, I hate the actual act of getting high, I just want to be high. I want to feel calm, cool, and collect. Oh yeah, I wanna laugh my ass off at just about anything too. It could be overrated. I never got high without drinking. Hm. It could be I wouldn't like it without alcohol. I may never know. Ok I will never know. I just feel better talking about it. I don't have any now, don't have plans to get any so chill out. All is right in the Johnson household, well right for us.

I have a dysfuntional household:
Mommy works her ass off, Daddy doesn't. The children live with Mommy, who mostly hates Daddy. Mommy and Daddy are kind of together - if you ask Daddy, he says they are. If you ask Mommy, well, it all depends on how he's treating her. They don't live together, used to. They don't want to live together, can't stand each other. Daddy wants to get married, Mommy really doesn't want to get married, she just wants more money. She feels she deserves more from him after those first 7 years of hell. He'll never be able to repay his debt to her. They still sleep together and both seem to enjoy it. Go figure.

How's that for fucked up?

Finances still suck. I'm still working on getting back to where I want to be. It's bound to happen as I know everything gets better. It just does.

Larry's being decent lately. That also will change soon. Lucky streaks have to end I guess. Speaking of change, check it -

From my meditations book: "Each Day a New Beginning" By Karen Casey

December 9, 2006

Life is a process, one that is continuously changing. And with each change we are offered unexpected opportunities for growth. Change is what fosters our development as women. It encourages us to risk new behavior and may even result in some mistakes. Fortunately, no mistakes can seriously hinder us. In fact most mistakes give us an additional opportunity to learn.
Where we stand today is far removed from our position last year, or even last week. Each and every moment offers us new input that influences any decision from this moment forward. The process that we're participating in guarantees our growth as long as we reamain conscious of our opportunities and willingly respond to them. We can be glad that the life process is, in fact, never static, always moving, always inviting us to participate fully.

I love my job........but...........

Some days just suck. Yesterday and especially today are two - right in a fricken row.

Yesterday, I was just so busy I didn't have time to breathe. I felt like I worked my ass off but didn't get anything accomplished.

Today was better as far as the workload is concerned but on a personal communication level it sucked. Someone was talked to and then afterward they were mad at me. I had no clue why. I've never said anything bad about that person at all. Ever. Seriously - nothing. I like her. What the F*** I'm thinking to myself. Now why they'd have to go say that and now it's like my fault or something. I didn't even know what the hell was going on until I asked someone else (my other kinda supervisor) "What the hell is going on". I used those words to as I laughed of course. She couldn't tell me any details, of course. Although my name and reputation with the people I work with are being drug through elephant dung, I can't know the details. WTF!~!!! It's just wrong. I told the pseudo supervisor that. I should at least know what is happening before the shit hits the fan. It's true, the shit doesn't spread evenly.

I'm kinda mad at that girl too. Grow up. If I'm demoted, and I kinda have been, I'm not gonna blame anyone else. I blame myself and wonder if there's something I can do to improve. Also if having things changed around a little helps everyone get more done, than that's good right? I guess I would be mad too, but not at the person sitting next to me cause she happens to work with certain people and take orders from certain people just like she does. Shit, if my name got brought up, too damn sorry, I wasn't there, ask me about it or get the F*** over it. Ya know?! Just frustrated.

I don't get paid to make friends I guess. I have plenty to do to keep me occupied.

That's about it.

And another pet peeve - DRIVERS WHO GET ON OTHER DRIVER'S ASSES - FUCKIN STOP IT DAMN IT!!! I DON'T WANT TO BE IN A 100 CAR PILE UP CAUSE YOU CAN'T FUCKING RESPECT OTHER PEOPLES SPACE!!!!!! FO REAL THO!!!!!!

next lifetime

Okay, in my next lifetime, assuming there is one, I am NOT having kids. No way, no how. I will heed the warning so given by my parents and others who already had children.

I love my kids, you know that. I just want peace and quiet in my next life, that's all. I want to sip my sugar and cream with coffee while reading the paper. I want to hear the birds singing in the morning and patiently appreciate the glimpse of sun shining in. I want to read and watch tv uninterrupted whenever I want, not just after the kids' bedtime. I want to be, oh sorry I already am - I mean stay an alcoholic. I want to go out whenever, drink, and not worry about home, the kids, bills, or their well-being. Shit I don't want to worry about my well-being. I don't want to hear Mommy, Mommy, Mommy in my next lifetime. Oh and I want all my money to be my money!!!! No school lunches, no help the kids with homework etc...

Okay, this sounds bad. I want my kids. I love them dearly. If anything happened to them life would cease to exist for me.

Right now I'm just craving a little time with no noise, by myself. I just want to relax, stoned, in a dark room with candles flickering, listening to some of my favorite tunes, a beer in my hand and more in the fridge, ice cold. Did I mention two words: by myself? You get the picture.

Yes, I know I'm bitching. What the hell is this thing blog for anyway? Isn't every conversation with everyone a bitch session...really? Think about it. There is always complaining. We're human. Selfish humans with nothing else on the brain but ourselves and what's good for us. If we didn't complain, we'd have nothing to talk about, laugh about, cry about etc.... It's the strive to do and be better that drives us to complain, bitch, if you will. Of course there's a limit. It's important how we complain also. Throwing a little humor in there helps. I'm not particularly funny, but I do like to laugh about the shit in my wheaties (thanks for that once whackly - still one of my favorites) once in a while. {A little better than horseshit - I use that one a lot.}

I'm rambling. It eases anxiety.
Lesson for today: DON'T HAVE KIDS, DRINK AND GET HIGH OFTEN, AND BITCH YOUR WAY TO A BETTER LIFE

ok now I'm done.

bored

Once again I find myself with plenty to do, I just don't want to do any of it.

I have replaced alcohol with sleeping. It's not quite as fun as alcohol but it's just a different means to the same end - escape. I really don't want to sleep my life away. As I have been reminded recently that life really isn't that bad compared to other's. It is true. I do love living. I'm just not that good at it.

So we got through the Ipod shuffle incident. Larry went to the kids' school on Mon. morning last week and the principal found the ipod in my son's locker. I knew it had to be either here somewhere hidden or with one of my kids. I knew those other kids didn't take it. I told Larry but he just didn't believe me. He never does and then turns around and says "I should have listened to you." What the hell, after 11 1/2 years you think he'd figure that out by now, but of course, just like a man, he hasn't. Anyway now that we've successfully discovered the culprit, I can get on with other stuff.

I think I'm going to start my kids and probably myself with counseling of some sort. I went through my self exploration at treatment. I got to take time to really find out what I wanted in life and to think about life in a different way. Unfortunately, I didn't consider the kids and what they possibly were feeling. I've noticed them acting out a lot more just in the past few months. Maybe they need to talk to someone about stuff, ya know? If y'all know of any kids' shrinks let me know. I would never let them put the kids on medication though, I really don't believe in that crap. They're so little I don't see how any medication could be okay for them.

Another thing I am determined to do is to clean out my kids' rooms and take everything away. Start fresh, not toys, no games, nothing fun until they can learn to respect me and their father. Larry and I also need to work on that some more. Larry more than myself I have to say. I can be somewhat calm when talking to the kids/trying to explain stuff.

Well, Larry and I should be getting M'd the beginning of Dec. After that my income should increase considerably. I will be able to get back to school and finally finish. Since I'm so close I want to get my bachelor's degree in Bus Mgmt - HR focus. Them go on to get my accounting degree. I figured I should do that considering what my daily job consist of. It will make me a better employee. Of course I'll have many other options having those degrees. I can see how being mega rich could be a pain in the ass with people coming out of the woodwork. I just want to be comfortable. That's my goal. I've noticed that never seems to happen though. I'm always getting myself into a jam.

Baby steps I guess. We'll see how the next 6 mos. turn out and adjust the plan accordingly. It's like a football (or any sport) game. If the calls you're making aren't working, you adjust. I'm getting my ass kicked so far.

shit, shit, shit

I'm hating right now. I hate those rich fuckers who never have to worry about money; how the bills get paid.

Anyway, yeah money issues still the same. I think I'm going to go through with the M thing. It's a business transaction. Plain and simple. A necessary evil, if you will. It wouldn't be a real marriage, ya know. Just a means to an end.

I read last night that Gerlad Levert died. He is by all-time favorite singer. Damn. What a waste of good talent. I loved his voice; could pick it out anywhere. And to boot, he was only 40 yrs old. RIP G, RIP.

I'm having a jewelry party on 11/21 - I have my guest list pretty much ready. I hope people will be there. It sucks to invite people and no one shows. It's downright embarrassing. My son had a birthday party a couple years ago, he invited about 6 kids, and only one showed up. I felt so bad for him, I actually cried. At least if no one shows, I'm an adult, I can say fuck off and mean it.

Anyway, that's all for now. Oh, a lotta shit going on with L. - lost his ipod shuffle @ my house, it's no where to be found, he thinks one of the 4 kids (2 of our own and 2 friends' kids) stole it. I'm not so sure. I think he misplaced it. Misplaced it where? That is the question. It really is no where to be found. I looked everywhere. Anyway I hope it shows up soon. I can't take the ranting and raving from him about it. SHUT UP ALREADY LARRY - I'm working on it - double ck to make sure the kids didn't take it. Blah, blah, blah you say. I know. I kinda feel that way writing this.

I know I'm obsessive compulsive with everything. I'm admitting that. I'm not a stalker but I can't stop thinking about this guy I like. I hate this. Why can't I just be a normal person, ya know? Drink when I want to - stop when I want to. Ya know stuff like that. Anyway that's really all this time.

Later

J.

Desperation

So, I'm acutally considering Marrying dipshit, L. I'll tell you why. If we get married that means I would get paid more monthly as part of his disability - without affecting his paycheck. Not just a little, a large amount.
Now I know what some of you are thinking, W.T.F ARE YOU DOING, JAMIE!!! I ask that myself a lot. It doesn't change the fact that I'm financially drowning without any way out. I can't do any more overtime at work. I can't work more at the part-time job until I pay my boss back for the loan from her. So I'm fucked. I have never been this close to losing my house, ever - even in my alcoholic days. This really makes me want to drink, ya know? One of the main reasons I don't drink is money troubles. Well, I have them anyway so what the hell. I just want to get caught up so I don't have to rob from Peter to pay Paul one week and then from Paul to pay Peter. That's the only way I can see the light. It would only be for a few years probably, or until I meet someone who understands me and my situation and who can deal with it. Who am I kidding, no man could deal with my situation. Ok so that's probably the problem with me. Damn it. At least I'm honest with people. I already told dipshit what we would be marrying for. He knows. My friend thinks I'm crazy cause she has found her FAITH and has this idea that marriage is somehow sacred. Screw that bullshit. You gotta do what you gotta do. I don't think marriage is the end all to be all. Americans fucked up what marriage is supposed to be anyway so don't point the finger. To each his own. I don't believe (totally) in the sanctity of marriage. It would take a hellofa man to change that about me. Also I would never change my last name. That's a deal breaker. My family name is as important to me as any man's is. I keep my last name, period, no discussion. Oh another thing, if we get married (I have told him) he doesn't own me any more than he does right now. He loved that comment.
Anyway, I'm sure this isn't what anyone who knows me was expecting. What can I say. Maybe I've lost my damn mind. I gotta go find it - maybe I'll get a new one.

Later
J.

Sen. Kerry's comments

My response:

I believe that Kerry's remarks were taken somewhat out of context. I don't think his intention was to bash the troops. His intention was to take a hit at the President. Ever hit and miss? We all do it from time to time, Republicans, Democrats, Independents alike. He's not denying he said it. He should apologize to those soldiers he has offended. With that said it has long been a fact that the men and women from a more modest background who enter the armed forces far outweigh the rich and over-privileged that join. Do you see sons and daughters of the rich and powerful joining the military? As a general rule you do not. Also many men and women who join the forces do it for the purpose of financing an education. They are not well educated, yet. Most go straight out of high school in hopes of securing their future. Lastly, I think people ought not take everything that comes out of a politicians mouth literally. Empathy goes a long way in diplomacy. Grow up America.
And just for the record, I have more respect and admiration for the 'uneducated' soldier than I do ANY politician.

Weekend from Hell

SERIOUSLY!!!! ONE OF THE WORST WEEKENDS (besides Friday-jewelry party) I'VE HAD IN A VERY LONG TIME.

Saturday was supposed to be a great day. A day off work - Yippeee! Not so much. I slept til about 1pm. It came at a cost as I woke up and began my dance with evil. I have plans to see my neice dance at 7pm so I go to the grocery store around 6pm to get some stuff for my kids and their friends that are spending the night. My son had his friend Cody over and Jamea had a friend from across the street over. I get home after the store only to find Larry, the kids, and actually the whole neighborhood freaking out because the electricity went out. I thought at first 'damn did I miss my payment arrangement with Xcel?' Thank God that wasn't the cause. I'm not sure what was but the whole block was out. My daughter decides to go over to her friends house to stay cause we weren't sure how long the elec. would be out. Cool. Larry was being a complete DICK as usual, so I decide to have my nephew's friend stay the night so he can watch the boys in the morning while I work - til 11am. Cool. I'm thinking the elec. is going to come on soon, it has to, right? Nope it doesn't. Around 7pm elec still isn't on and I decide instead of seeing my niece dance to take the boys to BK, we eat, they play for a while, we leave. Elec still not on. It's 8:30 now. We sit here in the dark with mega candles flickering, the boys are getting bored. I take them over to my sister's house, they decide to stay there so they can watch tv and play Xbox. My nephew's friend was okay with that - he's part of the family so no big deal. Cool. I come home freeze my ass off and finally elec comes on at 2am. I'm thinking things are okay now. Then my gas/CO alarm goes off, I have to call Xcel at 2:15 to have them come back out to make sure there's no gas leak. I get the all clear, maybe get another hour of sleep and off to work I go. No one is at my house now. 'Shit' I'm thinking, 'what if Jamea tries to walk home (across the street) and the door is locked and no one is home?' I call the neighbor whom I insist on calling John when his name is Allen. He says Jamea already left. 'Shit, shit, shit.' He goes outside to try and find Jamea to tell her to go back to his house and he finds the Sartell PD talking to Jamea. I guess she was knocking on the door, crying for about a half hour before the neighbor called the police. As he tells me this I feel like the worst mother in the world. How could I let that happen? Anyway, the PO brought her to my job and she hung out with me for a while. My sister picked her up and that was the end of that. My neighbors now think I'm crazy (I was trying to avoid that), the PD probably has me on their shit list, and I just feel horrible. I get off work, get my kids, take Jarod's friend home, go home, carve pumpkins - Oh what a treat! - do the normal nightly stuff which sucks all the time and finally I get to go to bed - my favorite time of the day. I felt like I had competed in a Triathalon and lost my ass. Anyway, I couldn't wait to get to work yesterday. Work is my sanctuary. As sad as that is. Hope your weekend was better. NEEDLESS TO SAY WE WON'T BE HAVING ANY SLEEPOVERS ANYTIME SOON.

Thanks for the shoulder.

Momentos dificiles

Tough times are upon me. Some people think shit is always hard for me. Not really. Usually things are pretty good. I'm a happy person. I'm low maintenance, don't need a lot to be happy. I think I handle stress pretty well. I don't know.

Financially, I need to figure things out. Okay, so I shouldn't have spent money at the jewelry party. That's okay though, I don't regret it. I need stuff for me. Without the occasional splurge on myself, I would go crazy. By occasion splurge, I really mean occasional. Not every month or even every three. How about every six months I will buy something nice for myself, like a new outfit for work, or jewelry - I'm so excited!!! I can't wait to get it and wear it! And the party will be fun. I had a great time just hanging out with you guys at the apartment. Sorry about the bar, I'm not very fun there. It gets boring quick when you don't drink. I still had a good time chatting though.

Anyway, emotionally/mentally, I'm drained. I'm in the mode where I will snap on anyone right now if they ask me for anything. I mean anything. All I hear between the kids and L. is 'I need... ', 'I want...', 'You need to give me...' Aargh. If I hear that anymore someone will be sorry.

It would be nice to hear instead, 'I know Mom.' 'Ok Mom.' 'Thanks Jamie' from (L.). 'Why don't I take the kids to my house so you can take some time to relax and do what you want?'
'How was your day?' 'How are you?' You know stuff like that. Never happens. As soon as I talk to or hear from the kids or Larry, demands start to fly. Of course I don't take it too well and all three of them get some lip about it from me. I don't want to be like that though. I don't like my sharp tounge sometimes. I really feel bad when the day is over. I love my kids but right now I'm not 'liking' them much. I feel a shift coming on. There will be 2 temporarily unhappy children in my household if they don't heed the warning and KNOCK IT OFF!!!

Anyway, other than that life is great. Job = great. Sleep = great. Music = great. Good friends = great.

Later.

Nothin Special

Hm. I haven't blogged in a while. My life is pretty uneventful lately. I made spaghetti tonight, cleaned up my mess, listened to a new CD - Rahsaan Patterson. Good CD. I don't like all of the songs but most are pretty cool.

The kids have showered and I think we're all ready for bed. It's sad. I never thought I'd be going to bed at 8:30. Just a short couple of years ago I was up til 1/2 am drinking. I'd get up at 5 in the morning and do it all over again. Bed time is the best time of the day for me. I can actually relax, do some daydreaming and go to sleep. I have to say my favorite thing to do besides laughing is sleeping.

Speaking of sleeping and dreaming, for quite a few nights in a row I dreamt (?spelling) about people at work. They were all pretty good dreams. Of course they were guys. One of the dreams had everyone in it, with a main character. It's pretty wierd the next day when you see that person. I feel like they 'know' that they were in the dream. You're probably thinking they were sexual in nature but they weren't. Thank god they weren't - that would be extra wierd. They were just plain old dreams. Too hard to recall verbally much less writing it down.

Anyway, that's life right now. Hope everyone is doing well.

Here's a quote: "Problems have only the size and the power that you give them". S.H.

alcoholism

I just felt like putting this down. Not sure why. Alcoholism sucks. One thought in my head once in a while is can I really go 15 or more years without drinking - at all? I just can't wrap my head around that one. It's been a little over a year and a half now. I'm happier than I've ever been which is what keeps me sober. I know how I would feel by having that one drink. Not only would I want more I would feel so ashamed, I'd want to drink again and again to escape myself. So I go day by day, literally. I made it through today not even wanting to drink. How about tomorrow? I gave myself one out - it's probably wrong but hey, sue me. The only time I would allow myself to drink is if something horrible happened to one of my children. I would drink myself silly. I would be a basket case anyway - why not just go all the way with it at a time of desperation. I would never really wish anything to happen to my children so that's good. I don't really even want to drink anymore. If my insurance will cover it, I'm going to try that new medication to help me stop smoking. It's called Chantix. It curves the cravings by occupying the part of your brain that nicotine occupies. Also it blocks the effects of nicotine so even if you do smoke your body doesn't get it - basically wasting money. I think I'm ready to quit smoking. I love life. I'm now addicted to loving life, my job, my kids. I want to live as long as I can.
For any alcoholic reading this - there really is life after drinking. It's hard to imagine, I know. Life is what you make of it. If your miserable, stop being miserable. If your happy, keep being happy. It's that simple. I made the decision a long time ago that I didn't want to be miserable. Although it has taken a few years, I finally made it. My new goal, besides quitting smoking, is to get rid of the miserables around me, wackly/SD you know who I'm talking about. That's the hardest part for me. It'll happen. Not sure how, not sure when, but it will.

PET PEEVES

One of my pet peeves is when my kids put blankets or pillows on the floor. It absolutely drives me insane!!!! They are throw pillows that belong on the couch - they don't belong on the floor!!!! And despite their name - they aren't meant to be thrown!!!! And blankets - meant to be spread out at the park for a picnic - not in the middle of the living room floor - K?

Another: When I see how other people put dishes away - Damn it - Stack the cups in the cupboard! They don't all get their own space. I don't have enough space not to stack cups!!! Just listen to me and stack the damn cups!!!! please?

I'm sure I'll think of more some other time.

WORK REVIEW

I had my review for work on Wednesday. I was a little dissapointed I didn't get a raise this time; not due to me performance thankfully. They started me out higher than they normally do, guess they were desperate to get someone in there lol. Also they gave me a raise at 2 mos instead of now - can't complain about that. I will qualify for another on my next review in 6 mos. so that will work for me.

I'm still liking the job - working on my time management/getting all tasks completed in timely fashion. I'm a perfectionist when it comes to my job so I tend to go a little slower at first to perfect the task. Once I feel I've gotten something down that's not a problem. I should be able to improve within the 6 mos. Also they keep adding things for me to do. I love it for that reason - I'm constantly learning something about that place. Last night I volunteered for OT in the warehouse doing inventory. I got to go up on the forklift/pallet - I'm afraid of heights so that was scary at first, by the end of the night I felt completely comfortable. I had a blast to hanging out with the guys too!!!

Fantasy football and the football pool at work is going well. I'm 1-1 for my team on our fantasy league and # 2 overall right now (after 2 weeks) with 24 right picks on the work football pool. I want that half tire with the football coming through!!!! I haven't actually seen it, but for bragging rights I WANT IT! So now I have to study and make my picks for the week. If you have any tips let me know - all information is useful information!!!! Chicago or the Vikings? I'm having a dilemma as a true Viking fan. I want to win but don't want to sell out my team. What's a girl to do?

Kids are good - we're going through a meltdown phase with Jarod recently - I don't think he's feeling well right now. I remember when I was little, it was hard to adjust to school starting. My responsibility is to make it better with a regular schedule etc.... That is the worst mothering skill I have. At least I'm aware of it and trying to make it better.

Dum d dum d dum (fingernails tapping the desk). That's it. Peace.

funny commercial

I saw a funny commercial tonight. Forgive me, my story telling isn't up to par. Of course - it has to do with football!

A cashier takes his place behind the register in a grocery store and turns on his light to let people know he's open. He yells, "I'm open!" Then you see a big, good-looking football kinda guy standing in the aisle, he picks up some type of fruit or something from his basket and then whips the ball at the cashier, hitting him in the head cause of course when he said he was open he didn't really mean that. The commercial ends with the "It must be football season"

I told you the story telling wasn't great but you get the jist. You'd have to see it but I found it hilarious.

Speaking of football, I need Oakland to win right now!!! If they win, I win this weeks football pool at work. I would love to rub the boys' noses in it tomorrow. Besides that, I would win $15. Please let Oakland win, please let Oakland win, please let Oakland win. Go Raiders!!!!

shiskabob - San Diego is at the 1 yrd line, score's already 3-0 Chargers.

Please let Raiders win, please let Raiders win, please let Raiders win.

No!!!!! Again SHISKABOB:( They got a touchdown. It's 10-0 Chargers. AAArrrrrgggggg.

If you want something done right, you gotta do it yourself. Let me at em'. LOL Could you see it? Me and my bad-ass 4' 11" self. Now that would be hilarious. And Ooh la la - a buncha men in uniform. Perfect.

Gotta go.

Wish the Raiders luck!!!! Please!!!!!!

I am thinking about: If this is what SD wanted me to do - peerrtty sure?!
I want to: Go skydiving and learn guitar - not at the same time of course .
I wish: For financial comfort.
I hear: My kids arguing.
I wonder: How people can be so cruel.
I regret: Nothing really - I am who I am today because of those horrible, selfish, stupid moments in life.
I am: Worried about my children's future.
I dance: Alone - not in front of people, sitting down.
I sing: Also in the car.
I cry: Rarely; usually over something others think I shouldn't be crying about. Things others cry about, I don't. Not sure what's up with that.
I make with my hands: obscene gestures. (thanks for that one SD)
I write: About my experiences. I don't have an imagination.
I confuse: Myself.
I need: A real man. (not really need)
And finally: what was the point of this? Self awareness.

I tag:

Everyone who reads this - does anyone read this?
Rand?
Wackly?
Frankles?
Anyone?